12.16.09

Alam mo, minsan lang talaga there are moments where I get into this self-pity party mode. This is when all my insecurities come bursting out of the chest I buried them in deep. This is when everything bad decision I've made or recently made, I think about. This is when I think about the friends that have come and gone in my life: whether they left or I left or we both gave up on each other. This is when I compare myself to others and like feel worse. I'm usually in a bad mood. Who wouldn't be?

But then something happens after this self-pity party that makes me feel better. Whether it's an unexpected text or something from a friend I haven't seen in a long time or a friend that just found something interesting to say about my status in Y!m. Basta. Palaging may something great na nangyayari after my self-pity party. And usually I get back on my feet. I feel more confident. And then the cycle starts all over again. I'm pretty sure it's part of being human to feel that way sometimes. There really are moments where you can't help but be "emo". Especially when it's cold or raining, like a friend pointed out. But still, bad vibes mehn. :|

What brought this about? The latest pity party? Something about my sister and boys and friends and putting that together. Single since birth ako. That's a fact. That's a given. And almost everyone around me seems to be falling in love, having MUs, are in the getting there stage, etc. (Classify yourself, I dare you. hahaha!) What I'm thinking sounds so pathetic to me. Pero still. I've been dreaming for a long time, waiting for a long time. When will it happen for me? Ted Mosby expresses it perfectly for me.

Ted: Okay, I'm going to say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have, I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for it to happen and I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.

And what Stella replies to him is exactly what he and I need to hear.

Stella: ...I know that you're tired of waiting. And you may have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.

Pero ano, hindi she yung akin. :))) Sobra ng one letter. :P

Anyway, I'll stop thinking about this muna. Really. I'll focus on some other things na lang muna. Agenda 1: See if it's possible to enroll in Trumpets Musical Theater again this summer. I really miss it na. :)

1 exam to go. amf. tinatamad na akong mag-aral. hahaha!