My goals

I will be a bit more descriptive here, than in my tumblr. I'll edit the tumblr post later; my bed is very persistent and keeps calling me to go sleep. :)

I realize that I have let myself get distracted from the goals I have set for myself during my 20th birthday last July. So, as a reminder to myself, I shall blog about it. :)

I realize that I keep saying that I want to grow, I want to develop myself further but I'm not really acting on it. And this disturbs me. Since I am a big fan of keeping promises and following through with promises, I shall follow through with these promises to myself, no matter how long it takes.

I only have one life to live. Why shouldn't I live it to its fullest?

I pledge. I promise. I will accomplish.

Mistakes.

I made a poor choice yesterday. It was stupid of me, really. It was a stupid, fear-driven choice. And the only thing to do now is wait and see and atone and reflect.

Hello, Hello 2011!

First, allow me to start with the ever cliche post for a "start-of-the-year-blog-entry" :

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

*Heh. I just posted the entry with that. Ayaw ba marinig ng interwebs ang thoughts ko?

So basically, I'll just go blab on about random things, things that pop into my head. They may be short, they may be long. You have been warned. Proceed reading with caution. :)

I'm kind of...lost at the moment. I need to regroup. Hence, this exercise of writing, or rather typing, my thoughts. I'll pose a question to future me: why on a blog? on the internet? Where the concept of privacy is rather...you know, questionable. And future me would most likely answer: why the hell not? :) You see, this is part of my resolution for the new year! Yes, these things get broken in a matter of time (some merely hours after making the resolution.) But hey, it's good to have goals, yeah? Which brings me to the aforementioned resolution: I will be more adventurous. However, I will not walk blindly into a situation. (most of the time) I will be more organized and plan things, leaving room for flexibility. I will make this one of the best years I've ever had. This was brought on by the realization that I will be graduating soon. SOON. Time flies by so fast, right? So, I better make the most of things and situations. :) I'll try to be less serious about things but still remember the responsibilities I have. 2011 will be a year to remember!

It's pretty disconcerting that even the most confident person could be defeated by his/her own insecurities. I've had my fair share of those nasty dementors! They eat away at you, like a leech. As stated in Inception, "An idea is like a virus, resilient, highly contagious and the smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you." And insecurities are exactly that: an idea, a virus. Once you have an insecurity, say the way you look, it'll escalate into an even bigger problem if you don't conquer it. It can, quoting Inception again, define or destroy you. That basically means you're screwed either way. So the best thing for a person is to fight against these insecurities. Each time a negative thought about yourself pops into your head, replace it with three positive ones. I read that somewhere, though I can't remember where. Thank you, oh anonymous author! But I digress. We must fight and not let these negative thoughts rule us. Of course, it's okay for the occasional pity session. But we should get over it before it becomes part of our daily lives.

I'm scared. I'm scared I'm making the wrong choices. I'm scared of the feeling that I'm losing myself. I'm scared of what might happen. I kinda need a big ol' helping of Gryffindor courage. This frustrates me so much.

ETA: I really get annoyed when people focus on the trivialities. Especially if I do it myself. Will the fact that I haven't done something that isn't that important matter in a few years? When something is urgent to someone, it doesn't necessarily also mean important. Right now, I could really care less about that. Truly. I understand your reasons. But the way you asked me for it feels like I've done some sort of injustice by not doing it at once. I may lack urgency on things like this but it's only because I know to place my urgency on things that really matter. (most of the time)

I kinda need to stop. So there. I tried making it a positive one and it ended up being...something else. So, yey! Haha. Who knows, this might be a delayed response to the stress I encountered. Or a delayed reaction to the wine and margaritas. Heh. Or it's just me having an off day. Who knows? >:)

Cheers for a supermegafoxyawesomehot 2011!

Merry Christmas, darlin’! :D

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Haha. Medj late. But yeah. =))

Yun lang. Will post a better blog come New Year’s

xoxo,

NC

Musing No. 1495209: on love, relationships and the whole shebang

Hi, I'm Nina, 19 years old, female, and I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been in love.

Before I go on, I'll let you in on why I've suddenly been thinking about this. First, there was the wedding of my cousin and his girlfriend that showed me a happy couple, so ready to take the next step in their relationship. Next, everyone seems to pairing off! And little, ol' single me has been left alone. [Cue the awwwwwws and the 'hirit' "bitter!"] Last, lately, my hand's been feeling cold, like it wants someone to hold it. [Ngek!]

Now on to my dilemma or "drama".

I've been kind of oblivious to the signs of flirting or if the guy is into me. Unless someone points it out, I won't notice. True story. This is because I don't like ASSUMING, I mean, who does? But I'm kind of a hypocrite, in the sense that I do assume sometimes. Like recently, I met someone and from our conversation, I thought he was into me. Sorta. :)) I'm not really sure. But it was a confidence boosting conversation. Haha!

Anyway, I think another problem is that I don't want to get hurt. Another common fear. Nobody wants to get hurt unless he/she is a masochist. But I digress. I guess I'm too scared to take a risk. And I've realized that other people feel the same too. But I've got to thinking that, if he/she is worth it, wouldn't you take the risk? I mean if you do, at least, whatever happens, you tried. So what if you get embarrassed? You won't spend the rest of your life thinking, WHAT IF.

Another thing is, I think the vibe I give off is another factor. Haha! A friend once told me that when he first met me, he was intimidated. Later on, other friends tell me that at first, they thought I was "mataray". Rawr. This led me to a decision: SMILE more. =)) I think, my default setting should be "NOW SMILING." Rawr.

Lastly, I don't know if I'm actually ready to have a relationship! My parents, of course, have set the "no boyfriend til after college" rule. But aside from that, I'm kind of scared and hesitant yet I want one. Rawr. But as a friend told me "You have to learn to love yourself first." And so, that's what I'm gonna do. Haha!

For now, I'll hold my own hand. Of course, not literally. People might look at me weirdly.

Musing No. 984,563

There comes a time when you'll realize that you're not alone. People have dealt with the same problems and experiences that you have. We get so blinded by first impressions that we usually don't see it.

-kinda sabaw, good night :)

Foot in Mouth.

Sabaw moments are not only laughing moments pala.

In the state of sabaw, since di ka nag-iisip clearly, you can say or do stuff na dapat hindi.

Kinda like being drunk. Only not. Haha. For me anyway.

Shiz. Not my lucky day apparently.