Nineteen, 1-9.

Start: July 15, 2010, 10:04PM

Honestly, when I woke up today, it felt like a regular day. I was too lazy to get out of bed once I woke up and pretended to sleep as I listened to my sister and brother opening closet doors in my room. And I fell asleep again. And I woke up because the alarm in my phone went off at 630AM. Yes, I intended to go jogging. But that was a fail, I went to eat breakfast na lang :)) Yes, regular day. Anyway. The point is, there is no point. :P Kidding. It was a great day. To think I was having insecure thoughts the night before. :P Heh.

I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who made this day great. Thank you friends, for greeting me. Especially those who I just see around campus na lang. Haha! It was nice, every time I bumped into someone they were all "uy, happy birthday!" :) It was cool.

SLAs, Coords, Ate Dhang & Ate My thank you for the heartfelt messages! :) I loved reading each and every one of them, :) Natuwa ako kasi may mga nagsulat na di ko na masyado nakikita kasi our scheds clash :) So thank you guys! I know I don't talk to everyone much. I know that minsan I just stick to a handful of people. I'm shy kasi. No joke. :)) Mahiyain talaga ako! I won't make the first move, unless I had this huge huge burst of confidence bigla. But I've gotten better na! Just ask the ,errr, more senior SLAs >:) Super shy talaga ako. Umingay lang ako ng onti, pag feel ko, thanks to . hehe. :P Oh, and I'm eternally awkward. And I credit my growth to my time as an SLA, because, as I said to someone, I learned a lot in my first year as an SLA.

Anyway, I promised myself that I will get to know/talk to each and every one of you before the new batch of SLAs arrive. A lot can happen in a year. ;) >:D<>

My friends! Grade school friends, HS friends and college friends, thank you! If I hadn't met you, I would be a different person than I am today. Yes, cheesy. Anyway, I treasure the moments and experiences we had, even if I don't remember much. Haha. Makakalimutin ako. :P Thank you for being a part of my grade school, high school and college life and for being a part of my life now even if we don't talk much. :)

PEPE, KAKA, DEDE, I miss you. >:D<>

My family, thank you! :) In good times and bad, I know you'll all be there for me. :) I'm thankful to be a part of this family. :) Standout moment: Talking with Ama in the morning. Toni & Nino waited til we got home before we ate the max chicken and pancit :D Woohoo. \:D/ And my lil bro hugged me :D :)) He doesn't do that much na kasi :)

Lord God, thank YOU. :) For the life You've given me. For the people you've sent my way. For the experiences. For everything. I'm super blessed. :) 19 years and more to go! :)

I have to end this na kasi I have class at 8am pa tomorrow. :P :))

THANK YOU for making my special day even more special & I love y'all :)

End: 10:32PM

Decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore.

The title for this post was taken from the lecture, "Achieving Your Childhood Dreams", given by Randy Pausch in 2007. If you haven't read the book, read it! It's really inspiring. Or the video above will do. He's one of the many that I wish I had met. :)

I read Randy Pausch's book sometime last year, after buying it on a whim while walking around Fully Booked. And I recently downloaded the video of the lecture and watched it on the way to school one day. (Yes, it takes an hour and a half on average to get to school from my house on a normal day using a car. Traffic!:P) And when he said "Decide if you're a Tigger or an Eeyore", it just hit me.

I've been in a funk lately. I've shared this sentiment with a few people, some telling me it's a common thing to be feeling and others telling me maybe I'm just tired. But instead of doing something about what's bothering me, I decided not to. I was being an Eeyore, being all sad. It didn't help things. So I took this day to rest and relax (sort of=)) ) and try to figure out what was bothering me. I kinda have an idea of what it is already, but I'm not really sure if it's the root of the problem.:P But I will do something about it. :) I promise that to myself. :)

To quote Randy Pausch, "We can’t change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

~N

[BTW, if anyone wants to play poker, let's play>:) =)) ]

1st Day of 1st Term of 3rd Year :D

I'm keeping this short since I'm sorta sleepy. Haha! It was an okay first day. There were lots of people and it was noisy in Central since the CAO groups were recruiting. Chorale was absent from the booths, I think. They're in Europe/USA eh :)) Sosyal noh? :)

Anyway, I had 2 subjects today: DOCULMG (legal research and thesis proposal) & LEGAWRI (Legal Writing). DOCULMG was sorta okay. The prof seems cool so far; another one of those DLSU for pre-law+Ateneo Law school graduates. Hahaha! But seriously, +0.5 in the final grade if you have perfect attendance? Score! :D It's nerve-wracking lang. 2 defenses! One for the legal memorandum and one for the thesis proposal. :| Err.

LEGAWRI was an experience. We were only 3 students in the class. :)) Parang special class lang no. Haha. I'm really hoping the section won't be dissolved. But they said they've transfer some students from the first class to the second class so it'll work out. :P We were dismissed early though. So score? Haha downside was mom had stuff to do pa so I couldn't go home yet.

After classes, I had dinner in Reyes Bbq with LSPO peeps. :) And California Berry <3>

As I said, it was an okay first day. I lacked sleep so maybe that had an effect on my mood. :) Eh, it's a start right?

Good night, friends. :)

Home Adventures/Thoughts

I'm not used to this staying at home thing...anymore. Haha! I admit, summers before were spent at home where I would only venture to certain places: my room, the bathroom, the dining area and the living room. But after participating in activities like musical theater workshops and, recently, as a SLA, I'm kinda losing my mind. In the "omg, I have nothing to do" sense. I miss the activities. But most of all I miss the people I met through those things. Miss ko na bonding moments natin. MISS KO NA KAYO. :( [cue the awwwww] I miss a lot of people. You know who you are. =))

That's the downside to this. The plus side is I've been spending time with my siblings and cousin/s. :) Haha we played pusoy dos and blackjack a while ago and had pizza. Haha laughtrip moments happened. We also played around with the Glee app and err it was funny. :)) Plus American Idol-ing it up via the Wii! =)) I missed these too. The summer days where you spent all day goofing around and not worrying about anything. It's simple. I wish we could go to the park and run around but I can't run around pa so :))

Truth be told, I missed being at home. :) Night classes don't offer much bonding time with the people here at home. When I get home, they've eaten dinner and we're all going to bed. Sometimes I eat with mom and dad. The next day, since my siblings had school as well and mom and dad have to get to work, I eat breakfast alone. :( So unless I wake up early, I eat breakfast watching err something. Haha! So bonding moments with siblings are to be cherished. I spent more time with Ama too since she's like my "nurse"/person who reminds me to take my meds & clean my wound :P It brings me back to the summer days we spent at Ama & Aba's house when we were younger.

I've also been reading..somewhat. haha! Out of sheer boredom, I've started reading the Philippine Constitution :P I have a subject next term about this so I thought to myself why not? :P How Hermione Granger-ish it is of me. And then after getting annoyed that most of the things I've read in the Constitution aren't being upheld in the government we have today, I turned to reading the book mom bought for me to read while I was in the hospital: The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho. I'm not done with it yet but so far, it's interesting. I forgot where I was since I didn't have a bookmark with me in the hospital so I'm starting all over. haha! But I remember a line that struck me. Something about fame and glory being the ultimate goal of people nowadays. Hmm I'll ETA it later if I find it.

I don't go online much. Only for the occasional tweet and the downloading but I try not to be enslaved by the internet. Haha! I'm trying to find some other things to do than browse Facebook, Tumblr or YouTube. And I don't check my phone much. Haha! There are times that I do but if I don't reply agad, it's not that I'm ignoring you. I just forget that I have a cellphone sometimes. Hahaha :P And I have no load sa Sun and I'm watching my Globe bill. Hahaha. :)

Update on the health: I can only exercise 60 days after the surgery. So that's like...June 26 or something. And then the tahi would've completely melted (it's this new thing that the tahi melts sa skin so I don't have to go back and have it removed) after 41 days. And I can like move around and do stuff like wash the dishes but I can't get tired. I have to take slow steps sa stairs. Hmm. I noticed that it was rather tiring to walk around when we went to my doctors yesterday. The surgeon's sched was in the morning and the OBGYN's was in the afternoon so mom, Ama and I went to SM Sta Mesa. Hahaha! Normally, it takes me a long time to get tired of walking around but after a short while napagod ako ng onti. :( Luckily lunch time nun so problem solved. I remember telling Ama I looked and felt like I was pregnant since I was guarding my tummy area. Ama told me "Hindi! Parang kakapanganak mo lang. Cesarean pa nga! Baby mo yung appendix diba." And this just strengthened my thoughts about this being sorta like getting pregnant and giving birth. :P Hurrah.

haha this is getting rather long. And unorganized again =)) See you when I see you :)

Goodbye Appendix.

~

I am now appendix-free. Useless thing, =)) So I was in the hospital from April 25 til today, May 3. But the pain thing started Friday, April 23. At first akala UTI and this gastric pain thing. So I was like "okay that's fine. No worries." Tapos the pain was persistent. As in di nawawala. Tapos from teh middle nagspread sa left. So my Tito,whose a doctor, told my parents to bring me to UERM kasi he has a feeling appendicitis kasi may pain sa 'rebound'. So that Sunday afternoon we went to the ER and things happened that I'd rather not say. =))

After the examination, I was confined :(. And that night I couldn't sleep much kasi nagigising ako sa sakit. And the next day pina-ultrasound and x-ray ako. And ayun, appendicitis nga. Kasi pag appendicitis usually sa right. Pero mine was like pointed sa left. So it's unusual. Tapos it was ruptured pa, siguro that's why I was experiencing pain the night before. I'm complicated, apparently. Ayun.

That afternoon, I got operated on. FIRST EVER, so I was feeling tense. And when they were wheeling me to the operating room, they'd injected a sedative in me already to prep me for surgery. And all I could remember from the operation, since they put like this anesthesia in my spine, was me asking the people around me "what's happening?" "what are you putting in my mouth?" and when they'd answer I'd be like "oh okay" and fall asleep. And I was dreaming of Tim Burton-ish stuff! It was weird. I don't remember most of what I dreamt about though. As in super unconscious ako. :P

~

More or less that's what happened and the rest of the week was spent recovering in the hospital and them observing me. I'm not allowed to strain myself or get tired. Hay. I can't even lift stuff around. But that's for a while only.

Thanks to everyone who visited, sent messages, prayers and the like. :) I'm not in a reflecting mood right now pero all I can say is things happen for a reason. I had a lot of things that I planned to do this summer and this just messed it up. Maybe it's a sign to take things easy for a while. :) Who knows. Maybe something's going to happen. We'll see :)

Haha! I need to blog more often. :) Til next time :)

Karaokeee :)

Singing really does help you release some emotions. Especially when you do it with friends. Who act "crazier" than usual hahaha! ;) :> tawa lang ako nang tawa kanina and yesterday :))

ANG SARAP NG ICED TEA! SULIT PA! ang laki ng baso eh :)) I WANT MOOOORE :)) >:)

Enjoy super :) Sa Tuesday naman!

Walang konek ung song sa mga sinabi ko other than getting a 99 sa Prov kanina because of this :)) Thank you Jay Pintor :)) Plus, memoriiiiies (chorale) :))

I'm not in the mood to do a long blog right now. :) I don't want to think about "it" anymore.

I can't really do much now can I? :P

A note to self: this too shall pass. :)

Musings during Holy Week :)

I've been hit with the "tamad" bug lately. It's been hard to focus, to finish something. There was this blog I was supposed to post about the retreat that I didn't finish. Maybe it's indescribable? :P Err. There's a task that used to take me an hour to finish but was stretched to more than that. I've been lacking self-disclipline too. I used to be able to stop myself from playing instead of doing requirements, from eating too much. This disappoints me and in turn makes me easily irritated lately as well. :|

Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm distracted. Maybe I'm too pressured. Maybe I'm overwhelmed by everything. There's too many maybes that I haven't figured out yet. There's too many unspoken expectations that I think I need to fulfill. Yun yung problema ko eh. I try to please other people so much, I forget about myself sometimes. I forget that I'm only human, and not "superwoman". My hand gets tired. My head gets tired. My heart gets tired too.

Thinking about it a while ago, after the Stations of the Cross in the parish grounds, I realized that by being lazy, I'm giving up, in a way. Yes, I know I need to rest. I need to recharge. And that's what I'm going to do. But after that, it's time to not give up, not to let bad news bring me down, not to let stress take over, not to let insecurities hold the reins. Kasi kung si Jesus nga, kung anu-ano na nagawa sa kanya, kung anu-anong masasamang bagay na sinabi sa kanya, nagawa pa rin niya tumayo at dalhin yung krus.

We all have our own crosses to bear. Some silently carry theirs, some crosses are heavier than others. These challenges are placed before us, not to burden us, but to help us grow, to learn something. God loves each and every one of us, and wouldn't want us to hurt. He is always there to help us carry it when we need Him. Our family and friends are there to help us as well, so we mustn't close ourselves off to them. :)

It's a sort of serious blog today. :) Have a happy, meaningful Holy Week friends. :)

"You go before me. You shield my way. Your hand upholds me. I know You love me." - At the Cross- Hillsong United